Evaluating and Strategizing Your Own Interpersonal Communication Competence

Learning Objectives

In this chapter, readers will consider various ways to engage in interpersonal interactions in a more competent way. By the conclusion of this chapter, readers will be able to

• Assess and evaluate interpersonal communication success • Create and manage expectations for interacting in various communication contexts • Understand how to successfully face and overcome challenges in multiple communication

situations • Apply methods for the formation, evaluation, and reassessment of goals and plans for

improving interpersonal communication competence

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Introduction Chapter 11

Introduction Think back to the interaction between Kim and Pat that we presented in Chapter 1. In that sce- nario, Kim and Pat used different channels (including e-mail, mobile phones, and face-to-face) to engage in a conflict with each other about what they were going to have for dinner that night. Their interaction ended rather abruptly, with Pat saying that Kim’s making a big deal about noth- ing and asking Kim to help figure out what to do about dinner. Think now about how their inter- action might have progressed from that point. There are a number of different ways that Kim and Pat could have ended their conversation. Instead of Kim saying, “Oh, I’m making a big deal out of nothing?” she could have suggested that they just agree on what to eat for dinner. For example, Kim might have said, “Well, let’s get pizza. We’re both hungry.” With Pat replying, “Fine. I’ll order it, and we can talk about something else.” This closing of the conversation does not fully resolve the issue but does at least allow both individuals to have their say and conclude their interaction fairly amicably.

But let’s also consider two other possible scenarios. In the first, the conflict escalates, with Kim screaming, “That’s because you NEVER listen to me! You are so selfish!” and Pat responding, “Well, all you do is blather constantly about nonsense, so it is impossible to remember everything you say.” Then, both Kim and Pat leave—Kim goes into the den to play video games, and Pat puts on his sneakers and goes for a run. The situation remains unresolved, and the outcome is not satisfying for either of them.

Finally, Kim and Pat could take the time and make an effort to truly listen to and understand each other. Kim could say, “I guess I had not made that clear about being home early enough to have dinner together. Sorry about that.” Pat replies, “OK. I will make a mental note to pay more atten- tion. I’m sorry too.” Here, Kim and Pat both feel that the situation has been largely resolved, and they are satisfied with the outcome.

Which of these three outcomes is the most competent? Why? Even though we know when we read these different interactions that the third outcome—listening and understanding—is most preferred and the most competent and that the second outcome, conflict escalation, should be avoided, we likely find ourselves in similar situations. How do we get into the habit of using the messages that increase our chances for communication success?

Throughout this text, our goal has been to assist you in understanding and improving how you interpersonally communicate with others. One important method for you to communicate more competently in interactions is by assessing and evaluating your interpersonal commu- nication patterns. This process can help you determine what works and what does not work. What expectations do you typically have when you communicate with others? To what extent do those expectations differ according to the context or situation that you find yourself in, such as in a business or professional or mediated communication context? How do you respond to challenges or difficulties in your conversations and in your relationships? This chapter will help you learn to set and manage expecta